This week started off fairly normal. Nothing too earth-shattering or exciting. After Wednesday though, things got interesting for me on an emotional level. Doing the relationship blog caused me to realize some things about myself that I never really "knew" before. I think that will be helpful going forward because it has given me a start point, so to speak, to begin looking at the issues I currently have. For that matter, starting this whole new facet of our relationship for me has been interesting because I very much feel like I am having to prove myself to you and prove how much I want this. Rightly so, in my opinion, but it is definitely new for me. I am very focused on doing well, because I want to be able to prove my worth/dedication/loyalty/desire to you once again. There are no guarantees right now, and I am very aware of that. I WANT that "G-word" title again...jesus christ..I want it more than I want to breathe...But I know I have to earn it this time. I hope you see that I am honestly trying. So that's been about where I am at with all that.
In other news, I am going to go to dinner tonight with Paullie. We haven't hung out in a while, and while it is a good thing that we are going to, it is also one of those things that makes me a bit nervous. Paullie and I have a VERY sexually charged friendship, and at times dealing with that makes me a bit uncomfortable...especially when I do not want to have sex with him. But hey...it's dinner and talking for a few hours..I am trying to keep an open mind that he just wants to have dinner with his friend..and isn't looking at dinner as a way to get back in my pants. (I will probably update this when I get home....)
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